I use this journal to save little snippets that I want to remember, kind of like a scrapbook, that I only use every month or so. I've had it for 5 years now, so it's kinda cool looking back to see everything that's been on my mind. Twisted, but cool.

Currently, my life has changed once again. The past 4 years, I've bitched and complained about this horrible field **mental health** that I landed myself in due to my own laziness. I've been stagnant, only venturing into my true entrepreneurial interests on rare occasions. About 6 weeks ago, I convinced my mother to buy a coffee shop, an espresso kiosk in the local hospital. With only 2.5 days of training in a business I've never experienced before, I was thrusted into a whole new career. My best friend, Duder, is my right hand man. A little over 2 months ago, I knew nothing about espresso or coffee, but now I find myself trying to learn every bit I can. The work is hard for the little pay I've agreed to, but it's very gratifying knowing I'm changing something and working for myself.

Here is a picture of my shop. I spend 50-60 hours a week working in it, shopping for it, and designing things for it, in addition to working 40 hours/week at an overnight position in which I get paid to sleep.


AJs Coffee Break

And lastly, I've switched my vote at least 3 times this election...I'm an independent voter, in a tossup state, so I know my decision makes a difference.... I was a Clinton supporter, and I became disgruntled when she lost. I read the future plans of each candidate and on paper, McCain seemed like a better choice (with my finance background, I can see the logical side of the Republican's fiscal policies). Then, I thought, I better start watching debates and looking into more issues than just money. Once Palin was chosen, and I watched her 3 scary interviews, my mind was made up. There was no way I could give my vote to a village idiot. NO WAY. Even if she was well spoken, she ONLY has a Bachelor's Degree from Idaho State, and it's not even in law or political science. I need a little more education backing my potential president. I found her interviews downright terrifying!!! Each one horrified me more and more. *shudder* Then other issues like stem cell research and Roe vs. Wade started popping up. I've always been liberal on social issues, but conservative with money issues, according to a survey I took, I'm a true Libertarian... free personal rights, small government. I guess it's the closest step to Anarchy one can get. I'm not wasting my vote on the Libertarian party though; therefore, I'm setting money aside and putting morals and the future first. Obama is my pick this time around.

To further my feelings on Palin, I found this video, which actually made me LOL.





take care LJ friends

thewordgirl

You run into kids you used to babysit, and they are adults!

*gasp*   The checkout lady at Border's yesterday was a girl I used to babysit when I was 16.  I AM THAT FUCKING OLD?!?!?   Christ.  What a wake up call.  She's probably making more than I am too.  heh.

I'm putting off a very needed, very relaxing bubble bath because I'm too lazy to get out my chair at this point in time.  

I' ve been working 80 hours a week.  It was my bright idea to finally make the paychecks I DESERVE to make with my education and experience, by saying fuck the middle-upper class dream job, I'll work 2 crap jobs.  

Here's an update.  For the past 4 years, I've worked at a small social services firm.  For most of those years, I was a program coordinator.  It was an okay job.  I hated it, but somedays I loved it.  Last summer, my day program lost all 5 of it's mentally challenged members to a new COOLER day program, which boasted a T shirt making factory, etc.   I kept my hourly wage after their departure, but I was bumped down to peasant worker status again.  After a brief stint this winter thinking I wanted to go to school to be a pharmacist.... I got mad and quit my job.   I floundered around, applied for many jobs in many fields, and I basically got nowhere fast.  I did have a side income on ebay, but due to my penchant for breaking the law, I was permanently banned.  Oh well.

So, for 2 months, I didn't work at all. Then, I stuck my tail between my legs and started working with tards again. Tards wonderful tards.  The easiest and hardest job one can ever work.  By the way, I know that word offends many people, so if it does PLEASE delete me because after nearly 5 years of putting up with their bullshit,  I have earned my tard vocab gold star.  So in March,  I found an overnight position.  I went  to this guy's house while he's sleeping and fell asleep for a sound 7.5 hours.   Sounded like a sweet deal for 1000./month, get paid to sleep.  There is nothing easier.   It was a dream , so easy infact, that I decided to get a day job (working with the disabled some more, meh)!   Sleep and make money at night, wake up and make more money, good times.   Everything was great until the SUPERTARD ruined my life.  You know him, I think he was in Something About Mary, the one with the helmet, that shits himself, bangs around, and barely knows his own name.  The Super, you know, stays up all night, and he has literally made my life hell.  

I could tell you a million stories from the past week, that you wouldn't believe.  They are all tard related though, and quite frankly I don't feel like repeating them.  

Anyways, here I sit, 2.9 years away from 30.  No career, no steady income, no stability, no foundation except for my own 2 feet.  Floundering about as I have been for 6 years since college.  Things are starting to make more sense though.   This whole no career dilemma.  I can't explain it, but it's all coming together in my mind.  The only key to life is happiness.  Key to success?  Happiness.   If you aren't doing what makes you happy, what's the point of anything you're doing..  hmm, the wheels in my mind have been turning.  It seems like a simple concept, but the rules of society always fuck with it's meaning by adding standards, pressure, responsibility, and expectations to the mix of existence.  I'm on to something.... something.... amazing, but I'm not sure how to explain it now.  All I can say is  I won't be working 80 hours a week for very long.  

Viva Bathtime.

thewordgirl

 Duder.   My best friend and I call each other duder.  Dude is just too surfer and too manly... but other nicknames just don't sound right.  Together we are best Duders.  We have many songs surrounding this nickname.

Sneaky Snake or Dust Bunny.  My boyfriend/whatever he is calls me these nicknames.  He calls me sneaky snake because I'm super gossipy and I will find out dirt about anyone and everyone.  He calls me dust bunny because I'm really messy.  

J or Jess... my parents call me these 2 nicknames. 

Doctor J  my best friend in highschool called me this because I always had an answer for everything. 

Ten years ago today, I was a depressed, weird 16 year old girl.  I living out in the middle of the desert with my father, him and my mother had recently divorced.  My entire life revolved around school.  I was in love with a 20 year old boy named Jacob... he treated me horribly, but I didn't care.  My weekends consisted of hanging out with one of my 2 friends- Joanie, a superficial teeny bopper who's only cares in life were boys and new clothes, and my oldest friend, Marie, who at 16 was already married and the mother of 2 young boys.  I had anything but a "typical" teenage life.

On May 9th 1998, I set out on the road to buy my mom a Mother's Day present.   My pop loaned me his 1978 Pontiac Phoenix to drive.  It was his baby with only 19,000 original miles on it.  To me, it was just a big assed car with red leather interior that stuck to my legs in the summertime.

So, I was driving along and going about 70mph down a long stretch of single lane desert highway.  The air was warm and dry that day and the sun was blinding.  I heard a rattle on my driver's door, and I took my eyes off the road for few seconds.  When I looked back up, I had accidently swerved into the opposite lane of incoming traffic.  I was about 5 seconds away from a head on collision with a large white pickup truck.  I yanked the wheel quickly to get back into my lane.  In doing so, my car did about three 360's on the road, and the speed alone, spiraled my car end over end into a large 25 foot ditch on the side of the road.  In mid air, I was ejected, Superman style, through the passenger side window.  I landed in a pile of sagebrush.  I woke up, looking at the car about 20 ft away from me, smoking and resembling a crumbled up piece of paper.  My body was tingling everywhere, and the only thing on my mind was "oh crap my pop is going to kill me!".

I started screaming for help.  Some nearby dirt-bikers stopped and called 911.  It felt like I was in that sagebrush forever.  Over what seemed like hours, more and more people started showing up.  Staring at me with frightened looks.  My pop showed up, he was crying and screaming, "it'll be okay, it'll be okay".  Ambulances, police, then a helicopter.  The paramedics arrived to turn me over and put me on a gurney, my legs were bent, and I can still remember the sound of my broken bones rubbing together as they straightened my legs.   It was the most extreme pain I've ever felt in my life.

The helicopter ride seemed to last forever as well, all I wanted was a Slurpee during the entire ride.  I was crying and begging the paramedics for one!  I found out the entire 40 mile trip was only 7 minutes long.  Once in the hospital, I was in and out of it for 3 days in ICU.    Those first days were a blur of crying and pain, and seeing my mom and pop come into and out of my hospital room.  I had broken my left femur in 3 places, lightly fractured my right one... shattered my hip and twisted my pubic bone in a bizarre fashion, and I had severe lacerations on my right arm and head in addition to having road rash all over my body. The only part of me that wasn't damaged was my face.  Pretty good for flying head first out of a window.

Over the next month, I had to relearn everything, how to walk, how to eat, how to go to the bathroom.  My body wasn't my own anymore, it seemed to belong to doctors, nurses and therapists.  I had more IV's than I knew what to do with,  and I received 4 shots daily in my stomach to prevent blood clots.  In the first 2 weeks, I received 3 blood transfusions.   After 5 weeks, I had lost 50lbs.

That summer between 11th and 12th grade was a slow one.  My friends got sick of visiting me, and my boyfriend dumped me while I was still in the hospital.  I lost my computer (it was in the car at the time of the accident) and our family's only car.   I was wheelchair bound for the entire summer and for the next 2 years I had to walk with a cane to get around. A year after the accident, my femur still hadn't healed, and I need a 2nd surgery on it.  I still get achey from the metal rods in my leg, and my left leg is a full inch longer than my right one now... and often I get asked about the large scar on my right arm.   It's really hard to believe that it's already been 10 years since that day. The doctor's say if I had been wearing my seatbelt, I would have suffered major head trauma and died.  It's funny how one miniscule decision pretty much saved my existence. 

 In honor of my life and that horrifying day, I never wear a seat belt on May 9th.  I'm so grateful for the last 10 years... graduating highschool and college, going on crazy road trips all over the country, meeting Duder and Josh, 2 of my bestest friends, getting to experience all that I have... and all of this just for forgetting to wear my seatbelt.   Life is crazy sometimes, and I'm thankful I'm still apart of it.

The world never fails to surprise me.   It is so beautiful yet so disgusting and vile at the same time. 

I'm not one to befriend many people.   It just seems like most folks my age are into the bar scene or the married/have a baby/family scene.  I'm not really into either one.  So, when I stumble across someone that seems a little different from the boring "let's party" mentality, I'm overjoyed. 

RARELY does this ever happen, I've made about 3-4 good friends in a 5 year span, only one of which I can actually trust, and that is duder. 


Anyways, the point of this bizarre entry is I just found out that one of my friends is a child molester.  I can't explain how shocked or disgusted or disappointed I am.  I actually dated this guy for several weeks, and we were close friends for many months in 2006.  I spent long hours with him, we traveled all over California together, we must have gone on 5 different road trips together, just me and him... and occasionally his little daughter, an adorable and smart toddler, who was the spitting image of him.  Traveling around with him was one of the happiest times in my life.. it was a real blast.

We drifted apart by my choice mainly, he was kind of codependent, always wanting me to hang out with him but not interested in a relationship.  He started going to bars, and I guess you could say I got tired from hanging out with him. 

 I guess I'm just shocked because I genuinely thought he was a decent person, Self Centered and Stupid at times, but genuinely decent.  I mean, if I had a kid and I needed a babysitter, he's one of the people that would pop into my mind because he's seemed like such a good person/dad.  Ugh.  Worst of all, I believe he molested his own daughter.. these aren't just allegations, he's confessed to the crime and he is sitting in jail now.

The whole world makes me so upset.  Why do people do this?  How will this poor little girl live her life out now?   Even more sickening is he seemed like such a good dad... always playing and interacting with her, taking her out in public, etc... He wasn't a "model" father by any means, he wasn't overboard and weird with the attention giving... but he gave her just enough... And I remember telling him, man, you are such a good dad!   If I had a kid, I'd want to be the same kind of parent as you are!   The entire thought makes me completely ill now.

 To me, there is nothing more disgusting than a sex offender.. nothing more vile or gross.  Sometimes I sit and wonder how can people be like that?  The world is so amazing in so many ways, but there is this disgusting underbelly of sexual deviants.  What makes those people act that way?  Why do they do what they do?   I never thought I would actually know one, .. be so close to one.  It makes me wonder if this completely funny and normal "so called Christian" guy, that I personally befriended is a sex offender, could do heinous things to his own 3 year old girl, then what other kind of monsters do I know?     She's a fucking baby for christsakes, HOW CAN YOU FUCK WITH A BABY!?!?!  YOUR OWN BABY?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?     I will never ever, ever, ever, understand this and just knowing him makes me want to never have children and never trust anyone ever again.

*puke*

Out of this World
October 5th, 2003


05:15 am - [private post] - Amped up on coffee

It is 5am. I can't believe I am still awake right now. Usually, I am the biggest baby about falling asleep, but tonight I had like 6 cups of coffee (I normally don't drink caffine), and I am buzzing high as a bird. It is crazy.

Me and My best friend went all over the place...to my mom's bar, and then home to harrass friends online, and then out to the Nugget where we drank soooo much coffee and had to put up with a rude waitress.

This waitress was so rude that when we asked for a box... she brought us a doggy bag for our Bean dip, which we were gonna throw on someone's car. So to rebel I tried making a puppet out of the doggy bag. I made a messed up looking tongue that looked like a penis. So we named the bag, Mr. penis bagman.

The waitress did not appreciate us talking to her with Mr. Penis bagman, but I guess thats what she gets for being so rude.

We never did get to throw our bean dip left over on anyone's car because we couldn't find anyone we really disliked, that was home.

:(

But, All in all, it was a great night full of good times.


Oh man even 4 years ago I was so great. I need to start posting more. It will be my New Year's trying to start a journal resolution again. hehe.

Happy New Year!

( My Interests Collage! )

I never update in here anymore.

My space and blogger and blog spot and millions of other sites have won me over. Interesting how long I've been able to keep this one going though. I've lost almost all of my buddies on here *cries*

Sometimes, LJ is a painful reminder of the silly mistakes I've made in the past. I hate checking into my archives because it is one *doh* moment after another!

Life is good though right now. Many exciting things are happening in my life, and I am sort of enthralled with the future again. I wish I could gather all my lj buddies on my space... any one out there have any other bloggys? Besides Moot... I know ALL of yours. muahahahahahahhaha

This is really funny considering my best friend's name is Melanie!

My Mormon name is Jessamina Heavenly Melanie!
What's yours?